Lonely Pt1

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i don’t feel lonely after spending time on the net. sometimes a little empty, sometimes a little down because i have cheated myself into thinking that the feelings that were there when i was chatting to my mate were going to materialise physically into my bedroom somehow and they don’t.

i speak from the heart, but it sometimes puts me in a heads-only-space and i’m in there enough.

i sometimes feel stupid and old fashioned and somehow incapable because i can’t work out all the new ways to do things… upload for example.  i don’t yet have the skills to do my own website, and that annoys me as well.  its time and money i don’t have.

sometimes the net assists in spirally me into all the things i don’t know… love or otherwise.

mostly it has kept me in touch with people. mostly it has brought a sometimes dark past into very clear, un-scary light.  it has made me appreciate that we all have moments in moments and they are all as crazy and rapid and random as the next.  and that’s the way it is.